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aging parents bipolar disorder broken heart cancer caregiving children chronic pain daughters death depression Eternal life in paradise everlasting life healing help hope Jehovah's promises life life lessons lonliness loss Love love. Jehovah God mothers

A ONE HANDED ENTRY

this is tough, this being me. i say all kinds of euphemistic things: endure, be brave, be faithful… a memory stirs, i am back to missing you. i am glad you are not suffering. i am glad the pain is gone. but here i am left, wondering. how do i carry on? my life is like […]

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aging parents alzheimer's artist bipolar disorder bravery brothers caregiving chronic pain codependency compassion coping courage Dad daughters death depression enduring eternal life hope Jehovah God lonliness loss Love pain paradise

Brainstorming

I am feeling a bit more positive than I was in this morning’s post, Dad got up for a while around 2pm, I laid on the couch dozing on and off, keeping my eyes and ears on alert. He fell on Wednesday, big gash on his head, poor Pops. It happened while his caregiver was […]

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addiction beaten bipolar disorder bravery cancer caregiving change child abuse chronic pain clean and sober codependency compassion coping courage Dad death domestic vilolenc faith friendship guts happiness healing hitchhiking insanity Jesus Christ life lessons pain recovery riding the rails shot at sobriety stabbed survival trains walking

That Brave Girl

The decision to enter my painting in an art show at a real art gallery was easy to make. I believe I am being motivated by fear, having learned while Pops was in hospital that I will basically be destitute after he dies or if he must be placed in a home. I had always […]

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Why Do I Hurt Myself?

I answered his call tonight. What a foolish foolish girl. I knew that it was wrong, to talk to the abuser, but I did it anyway. After years of being strong, of cutting out the gangrenous heart of me. How could I sell my broken soul out so cheaply? I knew he would say something […]

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alzheimer's bipolar disorder caregiving change children codependency compassion Dad daughters death depression family family relationships Fathers grief happiness healing help hope life life lessons lonliness loss Love poems

A Poem Written for a Forgotten Reason…by S. T. Martin

Ode to my Father who Alzheimer’s took: A filthy thief, a nasty crook. A man much adored by I, obscured by madness, left to die. I care for him in his disappearance-vivid, charismatic, brilliant, delirious. He who counted the planets, could name all the stars, Now his stare’s distant like he’s gazing at Mars. Oh, my dear Father,who Alzheimer’s took: You […]

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life lessons

Living With Venomous Snakes

I saw two movies in the last two days about families. Dysfunctional families very much like mine. The first, called “The Judge”, was one of the most brilliantly acted films I think I have ever seen. Perhaps it touched so close to home for the fact that Robert Duvall played a man with terminal colo/rectal […]

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What Color Is Despair?

what color will you paint my soul? what color will you paint my soul? blues and greens in endless dreams what color will you paint my soul? what color will you paint my life? what color will you paint my life? blacks and reds of endless strife what color will you paint my life? what […]

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life lessons

The Soundtrack of My Life/ writing 101,assignment

Deep Purple was my favorite band for many years. My brother was 4 years older than me and so I inherited all his records as he grew up and moved on. But deep Purple’s lead singer, Ian Gillian was my secret dream lover, and his singing their song, “Pictures of Home” cut deep into my […]