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Grief and Bipolar Disorder

Let me start this blog off by saying that I am not a health care professional, nor am I licensed in any form of mental health capacity. All I am is a person in pain, having lost a dear loved one, and who also happens to suffer from Bipolar Disorder. So, in a sense, that […]

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life lessons

Profound Joy!

Profoundly Alive. Zestful. Happy. Hopeful. Forward Looking. Lifted up. Elated. Active. Alive. Aware. Absolutely Positive. I am these things, I am all of them. I must believe that I am. Loveable. Loved. Free. Truthful. Beautiful. My heart healed, my wings mended, my joy complete. I am now the person I always wished I could be. […]

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life lessons

Muncie Spumoni

We love our pets, don’t we? When you have no children, and you are trapped for 10 years in a house with elderly, sick and dying parents your pets come to have a whole new meaning to you. I always was loopy about them, and as time has gone on my family and I have […]

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That Brave Girl

The decision to enter my painting in an art show at a real art gallery was easy to make. I believe I am being motivated by fear, having learned while Pops was in hospital that I will basically be destitute after he dies or if he must be placed in a home. I had always […]

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life lessons

Changing Roles in a Changing Mind

   We have come to a crossroads in our lives as father and daughter. I have spent a good part of my life being my parents’ caregiver, both my Mom(rectal cancer) and Dad’s ( Dementia/Alzheimer’s). While their suffering has been extensive I am going to focus a bit on the changes a Codependent-Bipolar-Recovering Addict/Alcoholic with […]

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Why Do I Hurt Myself?

I answered his call tonight. What a foolish foolish girl. I knew that it was wrong, to talk to the abuser, but I did it anyway. After years of being strong, of cutting out the gangrenous heart of me. How could I sell my broken soul out so cheaply? I knew he would say something […]

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A Welcome Whack on the Back!

He has a look, lately. A hateful look, cold. No trace of love. No recognition. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I used to yearn so much for his love that I would have thrown myself in front of a train, just for a pat on the back. That is all I would […]

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life lessons

Breathless

I do not like the feeling. Like I am drowning, but I am not in the ocean. It feels like someone is standing on my chest, as if I had pneumonia. I have had pneumonia twice before in my life, once when I had been drunk for about a month, living at bike rallies for […]

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life lessons

Give a Penny, Give a Pound

I used to know how to get by with little…very little. When I left my parent’s house, at first my mother gave me everything. Even though I lived with my boyfriend, we would go through our paychecks in one night, drinking and drugging, and there I would be at her door on Monday, palm out […]

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life lessons

My Job is to be Me

A supreme effort was needed this morning to get out of bed, but I did it! I raced around, getting ready for my 9am appointment. Then caring for Dad and the animals started to eat up my time, and I tried desperately to stop all the activity, but it was no use. When I jumped […]