PARTY GIRL!

“PARTY GIRL”, A Brand New, Fresh off the Easel, 12″x 12″ on Canvas Painting by Susan T. Martin. Ready to be Purchased and hung with pride in your home!

The Sting of Stigma

Always feeling different, in a room full of schoolmates. Outcast, in my mind, just knowing that the kids could see inside me. It began in kindergarten, even then, when the little boy I was in love with ran away from me. Mom had asked me to get the recipe for his Mom’s Syrian Bread, but he must have thought I wanted to kiss him, because he ran away from me, all the way down the road to his house.

He’s a successful doctor all these years later. And me? I’m still painted green. You see, that is the best way I can explain what being Bipolar feels like, in a crowd. Like you are chartreuse in a room full of normal people. I explained to my therapist that all my life (before diagnosis and psych meds) I felt as if I were in a movie, an endlessly rolling recording of every move I made. That would make a person feel conspicuous, wouldn’t it?

I certainly am better now, 21 years after diagnosis, med regimen, and therapy. But I still feel green sometimes..,

A Psalm of My Own

Written after Fighting With Myself All NightWIN_20200720_06_43_02_Pro_LI (3)

.           Jehovah knows my suffering, hears my pleas each day

.          He knows the pain this madness brings, knows I’m made of clay

.          I thought I’d be forsaken, and all my hope was lost

.          I struggled to awaken, eternal darkness was the cost

.          But my God cares for me, He hears my cries and screams

.          He pulls me out of raging seas, makes pleasant peaceful dreams

.          How can I show my thankfulness, show Him my endless love?

.          I’ll walk with Him in faithfulness, Praise God in Heights above!

.          I will love my God whole-souled, pray, meditate and preach

.          No matter how lame, tired, sick or old, new sheep I will love and teach!

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Big Sky.(not my photo)

Up at 9am!

Wow…momentous day! Even though I was up and down 3 or four times, ie:cat out, pee, drink of water, pee, help my blind dog find his bed, pee…You know the deal, my fellow insomniacs.

I do feel back in the light, which is splendiferous, warming the little cockles of my heart. I’m going to look cockles up in the dictionary, they sound like a type of marine life. I finished a mural commission yesterday , it only took me a month to complete ! I was “sick ” more days than not , whether it be physically or emotionally, hence the prolonged finish date. I know the client was glad to have it done, albeit I still have to clear coat it for durability . I will post a good picture soon .

We discussed a commission for a painting/photo portrait of her horse, which was the subject of the aforementioned mural , and I am very excited by the prospect. I love to paint and draw and be near horses, they center me and ease my mind. My time working with horses has been the most rewarding work I have ever done, right under serving my God. He certainly expressed his wonderful love when he created horses!

I will make this brief , but oh, I came home right after the conversation about the horse portrait and freepainted a beautiful portrait of a Friesian Stallion racing thru a winter night. I am so pleased. It showed me how far I’ve come, and the beauty I can express when I let it flow, instead of agonizing over each brushstroke!