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angels apostles beaten Beauty bible bipolar disorder bravery broken heart child abuse chronic pain clean and sober codependency compassion coping courage death dementia depression emotions enduring everlasting life exhaustion faith family fear Forgiveness freedom gardening God's love gratitude grief growth guilt happiness healing help home hope injuries injustice inner peace insanity insomnia Jehovah God Jesus Christ Joy kindness life life lessons loneliness loss Love memories mental illness metamorphosis nature pain paintings paradise peace poems poet poetry prayers preaching ransom sacrifice of Jesus Christ recovery regret repent repentance responsibility sacrifice sadness safety sanity self awareness self help sinner sleep sobriety sorrow suicide survival survivor therapy treasure war witness worry

A Psalm of My Own

Pink Dusk©STMartin

Written after Fighting With Myself All Night .           Jehovah knows my suffering, hears my pleas each day .          He knows the pain this madness brings, knows I’m made of clay .          I thought I’d be forsaken, and all my hope was lost .  […]

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life lessons

Possession

I had a dream last night. Beautiful man, falling in love, new relationship, exhilaration. Then, in an instant: He’s blind drunk, with another woman and he’s abusing her! So, it wasn’t really a dream… It was a NIGHTMARE!!!

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3 Hours Sleep and I’m Feelin’ Good!

Righty O! How about that Picture, huh? Oh, my… .   That’s my “I’m so tired I can fall down right in this spot and sleep for a month” face. And it’s none too pretty. It’s also the most unflattering view of my nose…I was never unhappy with my nose until my Ex broke it . […]

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life lessons

Been Away

Moody…Melancholy. I suppose I am. I’m never sure until I decide to wake up and suddenly realize that me home looks like a madwoman lives here. Thats how I know I’ve been depressed. It sneaks up on me. I’ve been up all night, again. .  I loathe my not keeping “normal” hours, I’m not sure […]

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aging parents animals art artist Beauty bravery butterflies cancer change child abuse children chronic pain clean clean and sober codependent compassion coping courage Dad daughters depression domestic violence Embarrassment emotions family family relationships freedom friendship gardens gratitude growth guts happiness healing home homecoming hope injuries inner peace Joy kindness life life lessons Love memories mothers pain paradise peace poems rape recovery rest sadness safety sanity self awareness self confidence self help survival survivor therapy treasure violence walking

SUSAN IS HERE! NEVER FEAR!!!

seems like an eternity ago, when my hair was long, and I still felt pretty. This is before all the accidents, surgeries and injuries and before Mom died.

…there is no “wait until” time to be beautiful…

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abortion addiction alzheimer's angels animals apostles art artist babies beaten Beauty bible bipolar disorder bppv bravery broken heart cancer caregivers cares child abuse children chronic pain clean and sober codependency compassion coping courage Dad daughters death depression domestic violence earth emotions enduring eternal life everlasting life exhaustion faith family Fathers fear Forgiveness freedom gardens God's love God's Word gratitude grief growth guilt happiness healing help home homecoming hope injuries injustice inner peace insanity insomnia Jehovah God Jehovah's promises Jesus Christ Joy life life lessons loneliness loss Love memories mental illness mothers murder nature pain paradise peace poems prayers preaching predjudice PTSD pulmonary embolism ransom sacrifice of Jesus Christ rape recovery repentance responsibility sacrifice sadness sanity Scriptures self help sexual abuse sexual assault Shame shot at sinner sobriety sorrow stabbed suicide survival survivor The last Supper therapy treasure violence war wild witness Writing

Secrets…Many Secrets

promises fulfilled

     Should we tell our secrets? Burden our loved one’s with them? Jeopardize our relationships with society, our peers? Risk our reputations? .     Many people choose not to. Instead they carry that burning bucket of nastiness hidden away deep inside. Letting it rot away all their prospects for joy, searing their potential away […]

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life lessons

How Do I Love, Today’s Version

In truth, as far as “relationships” go, I never learned to love. Not the healthy kind of love that allows both parties to flourish, to breathe, to grow. I only knew how to suffocate, shadow, consume and own. Also, how to grovel, scrape and worship. It all involved fight and struggle, there was nothing easy, […]

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life lessons

How Do I Love?

bridal chest

It’s funny, I used to be focused so much on “romantic” love. Once upon a time I loved a man, actually I have loved more than one. I had a very warped idea of love, for me it focused on sexuality, possession, domination, jealousy and passion. A physical expression, with emotional ownership. Weird… It is […]

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addiction angels babies bible bipolar disorder bravery broken heart brothers change child abuse children compassion coping courage Dad daughters death depression disciple making Embarrassment emotions Equality exhaustion faith family family relationships Fathers fear Forgiveness freedom friendship gratitude grief growth guilt guts happiness hate healing help home homecoming hope inhumane injustice insanity Joy judicial system kindness life life lessons loneliness loss Love memories metamorphosis mothers murder pain paradise peace pollution prayers preaching predjudice PTSD recovery regret repent responsibility sadness safety sanity self help Shame shot at sinner sobriety sorrow survival therapy treasure violence walking war witness worry

Who Do I Think I Am?

Pink Dusk©STMartin

I do silly things sometimes. Fairly often, in reality. Most of the time they are thoughtless mistakes, quickly forgotten by all who have been effected by them. There was a time, in the past life I lived, the one I talk so much about on this site, that I did intentionally bad things. Things that […]

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THE PAIN of it ALL

What do I say to a black mother whose son was murdered at the hands, or knee, of a white man? .   I saw George dying, in front of all the world, murdered. Every fiber of my being cried out for action to save him, knock that cop off of him, hurt those who were […]