And Round It Goes…

I would not want to be in Afghanistan now. I never did, but I feel so bad for the people there today. There are bad times ahead.

Can you see, now, that what the Bible has been telling us is coming true? I mean, you had to know that the One who has created everything was telling us the truth, right? You knew that, right?

If you have a Bible, now is a good time to get it out and study it. All those prophecies about our time are coming true, and soon the train will be leaving the station. I want you to be on that train with me. Please.

A Day of Rest

(Aren’t They All?)

Ok, I hear ya. Maybe they are, at least during the darkest Pandemic days. I lost 2 friends last week, one to Covid, one to a rare disease. But both were lost the “last enemy”, death. No getting away from it, is there. No… Not at this time.

What does that mean, you ask? Am I just a crazy blogger with mental health issues? Well, yes, the mental illness part is true-but that does not make me crazy. The Bible tells us in no uncertain terms that death will be done away with, in the not-to-distant future! Yay!

And Still We Pressed On…

No rest in sight it seems, this deserted place insists we move thru it, quickly.

My legs burn, my lungs are full of the stuff these tumbleweeds are made of.

The Coyote spoke in hushed words I barely understood,

“Leave you here…”

“…in ten minutes…”

“…to the East..”

“DON’T MAKE A SOUND!”

With that he seemed to fall off the face of the earth without so much as a breeze to make his passing. I squeezed Maria’s cold little hand, the tension running between us like a harmonic on a fretboard. She had to make it. There was no other thought allowed to enter my head.

I crouched over her , the night air so crisp it felt like my breath would shatter it , counting to ten, or fifteen. Checking my compass one more time I bundled Maria up and tucked her like a solid gold football against my abdomen, then I let loose. Using legs that had kicked ten thousand soccer goals I leapt out of the undergrowth, tearing across a gravel road that seemed fifty yards long, but in reality was less than 5.

My worn out sneakers shot gravel out behind me, it sounded like cannon fire and my rushing blood roared like thunder in my ears. I gripped Maria tighter, willing the Border Agents to look the other way with every step. I saw the blue flash of their truck lights thru the broken stalks of corn, imagined to hounds of hell at my heels.

MI Dios,I prayed, please! For Maria for Maria for Maria…

The field was more dense now, cover better…I tried to imagine the Coyote’s voice.

“After you run 2 kilometers lie down at the edge of the culvert…”

Two kilometers… a culvert…in the blackness I saw nothing-then the low cement wall hit my shin mid stride, sending a white bolt of pain shooting to my brain. I felt my precious bundle break free of my grasp, my forward momentum sending her in a gentle arch ten feet to my right. An ‘ooof’ burst thru my lips, but I still thought we would be ok, Maria was bundled in a blue blanket I found the day before. Arms outstretched and at full body extension I watched the blue blur till my head hit the ground. As the light left my eyes I remember hearing a tiny splash…hmmm, sounded like a trout jumping…a pretty blue and silver trout, like the last one Papi caught before he disappeared…it was going to taste…so…goo…

The Good Works

Hello again dear friends…I have come to the close of another day, which is a battle won. I’ve figured out how to feel better as I undergo changes to myvpsychiatric meds… I have been SUPER sick since they put me on a new med and had me stop one I’ve been on for 20 years… Well, today I quit the new med abpnd feel 1000 times better!

Perhaps I will have to go back to the new regimen at some point, but looking up the new medicine online I found it reacts poorly to 6, yes 6, if my other prescriptions! Ah, well…

I have been making many mistakes in my efforts to live more like the Bible advises… This is my natural state as a human, I know. I’m trying just to dust myself off, rather than beat myself up, but I spent my life learning hatred and doubt. It is a challenge. But the One who created me knows I am dust, and He loves me. He pats me on my head and stands me back on my feet to try again,

I’m grateful today and enjoyed a moonlit walk with my Cleo and Frenchie. We enjoyed the full Moon. No one is out in the wee hours, so we had the street to ourselves. It’s so lovely,the night. I was hoping to hear the owls, but not tonight. As I neared the creek and the pond I heard the bullfrogs. They are in full throated session, sending out their love calls in croaking unison.

More tomorrow… Keep pushing on, my friends, it won’t be long now.

Cha-cha-cha Changes…

We’re back at the beginning, aren’t we? Well, that’s fairly fitting, I feel mentally at a starting point, too. Readjusting my Mania-controlling medicine is akin to stepping into a 1990’s heavy metal concert without earplugs. As the seratonin levels plummet I am besieged by psychedelic brain images, no doubt fueled by long-stunted neurons awakening. Other interesting awakenings include a primal libido attack and tingling skin sensations, mostly on my arms, driving me to scratch them till they bleed. Ah the wonders of throwing pharmaceuticals at invisible, and wonderfully terrifying mental health afflictions!

If helping me get some sleep was part of the psychiatrist’s goals he failed to reach it. I have been awake with my heart pounding for nigh on a week, oddly though I don’t feel confused…(she said while devouring her 6th granola bar and preparing to suck down a lemon ice and 2 of containers applesauce!) I will keep thus short, I still have to get ready for bed…Keep yourself in God’s love

The Bitter(Sweet)

Hello my wayward friend. You made it here, to this dusty, cobwebby little blog. I am truly glad you did, because I want you to know that you aren’t alone. Not at all! Hang out if you want to, there’s some stuff to read and some pics to look at.

But I’m moving everything over to Out of the Gutter Art, my other Artist Blog. So , c’mon over when you get thru here!

See Ya!

Carol Lee

…Gentle one, so broken-hearted, tenderly I kiss your…cheek…

Gentle One, so broken-hearted, tenderly I kiss your chemo-roughened cheek

Moving us toward unknown tomorrows, on rivers of. words we will not speak.

Tears trace down well-worn trails; heart bleeds in a blue, familiar way.

We read Memories journal of us enwrapped, entwined, entangled as we lay.

Your memory dwells in a plastic framed photo; recalling embraces that comfort and soothe.

This sweet swelling of daughter’s sorrow: white-hot knot of longing never moves.

Your kept my demons far at bay, my sickness hidden from the others.

Bestowed gifts I cannot repay…Such love only comes from Mothers.

©SusanTMartin2010

A Glorious Day to Remember!

I am filled with gratitude today. Living on a very spiritual plane these last few days, glorying in the the knowledge of my God’s immeasurable love for mankind-for me! This time of year those who worship my God are meditating on the sacrifice of His only-begotten Son, Jesus Christ, the Messiah.

On Nisan 14, 33CE on the Hebrew calendar, Jesus was nailed to a stake and executed as a criminal. He died so that those who worship his father can have an opportunity to be reconciled to God, have a chance to live forever in perfect health on a healed Earth, and a chance to be with all those who will be resurrected. Like my Mom and Dad.

My Mom died on this day, 11 years ago. It was also the same date as her birth, 3/21/36. Extraordinary, just like her. The comfort I have recieved-knowing that she no longer suffers, but is sleeping and in God’s memory, has been crucial to me. Sure, I grieve, every day she comes to mind in a hundred different moments, bittersweet. Knowing I can be with her, my best friend, again is such a marvelous gift, and Jesus sacrificial death and subsequent resurrection makes this possible! How can my heart not rejoice ?

The Memorial of Jesus Death will be held at sundown on March 27, 2021. This date corresponds to Nisan 14 on the Hebrew Calendar, the Anniversary of Jesus death. In the Bible at Luke 22:19 Jesus told his followers, “Keep doing this in remembrance of me.” As his follower today I do the same and meditated on the wonderful blessings his sacrifice has afforded me. The best one is to have a clean conscience before my God, after a lifetime of flaunting his instruction and leading such a degraded life. I am SO grateful to be loved by my Real Father, one who will always be beside me, as long as I walk with Him. And to love Him in return, a love I had never known I had in me. Such a full heart I have today.

You can go to JW.org to find out how to join me and millions of others worldwide on March 27, 2021, to remember the greatest act of love ever performed: The ransom sacrifice of God’s own Son, Jesus Christ.

(this Memorial is virtual as a safety precaution)

KICKING MY WAY OUT!!!

…I’m still fighting…grabbing everything…to stay afloat!!!

Don’t Ever forget how FAR you have Come!!!!

I’m still fighting, grabbing every thing in sight to stay afloat!!! It hasn’t been an easy 2 weeks… I have major stomach/liver issues trying to blindside me. I refuse to crumble. More bland foods, less fat, no Coffee, no heavy, greasy meals. I CAN DO THIS.

Push Push Push Thru the pain…. Drive Drive Drive in the Positive vibes! IT IS AWFUL TO HAVE AN UPSET STOMACH EVERY DAY FOR THE PAST 2 WEEKS! I think I turned the corner today… I had made hot sausage and peppers at the onset of symptoms, then the neighbors bought me a pizza THE NEXT DAY!! It’s their way to pay for my lawn work on their yard. I am NEVER going to eat tomato sauce , hot sausage, pepperoni, cheese, peppers EVER AGAIN!! Bluk bluk!

So, if you think I have given up on my SHAKE UP, I HAVE NOT! I am just regrouping!!

These images are hard to look at. I remember how ugly I felt at this time. I had been away from my abusive husband for about 4 years, but the low self esteem, the disgust at how he had cheated on me and yet wanted me to risk my life for him to get a reduced sentence…all these feelings had sunk in so deep. Even though I had turned my life over to God, gotten clean and sober, and was doing all the right things, I had traded drug addiction for sugar addiction. Anything to ease the pain…I was on some serious psych meds too, they obviously weren’t the right ones…yet.

Life is a journey, we hit bumps, detours, switchbacks and sometimes we lose control and crash. Those are all opportunities to learn, to climb out of the wreckage, to learn to walk again, run again, then one day….to soar with the eagles!!!! (or the albatross!)

Hating who we are in the present totally contrary to self improvement. Why would we want to care for, nurture, work hard for, give our all for someone we don’t like?

We must love and cherish the person we are NOW, to be able to devote ourself to the Future person we will surely be! So ROCK ON Suezeecue!!

RED HOT and Climbing Up!