Category: guts

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addiction bipolar disorder bravery broken heart chronic pain clean and sober codependent coping courage death depression domestic violence emotions exhaustion faith family fear Forgiveness freedom gratitude grief guilt guts happiness hate healing hope inner peace insanity Joy judicial system life life lessons loneliness loss Love memories mental illness pain peace prayers recovery regret repent repentance sacrifice sadness sanity Scriptures self help sexual abuse sexual assault Shame shot at sinner sobriety stabbed suicidal ideation survival survivor therapy Uncategorized violence witness

Cry for Redemption

…there was nothing…but to keep chasing the high, reality became too painful…married you so…you could not testify against him?…

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accidents addiction alzheimer's angels apostles art art show artist babies beaten Beauty bible bipolar disorder bppv bravery broken heart cancer caregiving change child abuse chronic pain clean and sober codependency colo/rectal cancer compassion coping courage Dad daughters death dementia depression emotions enduring eternal life everlasting life exhaustion faith family Fathers fear Forgiveness freedom gardening God's love God's Word gratitude grief growth guilt guts happiness hate healing help hitchhiking home homecoming hope inhumane injuries injustice inner peace insanity insomnia Jehovah God Joy judicial system jungle kindness life life lessons loneliness loss Love love. Jehovah God memories mental illness metamorphosis milkweed murder napping nature pain paintings paradise peace pets poems poet poetry pollution prayers preaching predjudice PTSD ransom sacrifice of Jesus Christ rape recovery regret repent repentance responsibility rest sacrifice sadness safety Sailfish Point sanity Scriptures self awareness self confidence self help sexual abuse sexual assault Shame sinner sleep smoking sobriety soldiers sorrow stabbed suicide survival survivor The last Supper The Memorial therapy treasure Uncategorized Vietnam War violence war wild animals witness Writing

The SLOG of Joy

So many Secrets©STMartin

Grumble. Growl. Grunt. .   Swear. Sweat. Stomp. . Punch. Pound. Pant. .  Breathe. Binge. Boss. .  Shout. Scream, Smear. .  Fall in a heap, exhausted. Then get up, clean up, and do it all over again. .  There is joy in this. This “living” we do. No matter how sweaty, or dirty, or ugly, this […]

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aging parents animals art artist Beauty bravery butterflies cancer change child abuse children chronic pain clean clean and sober codependent compassion coping courage Dad daughters depression domestic violence Embarrassment emotions family family relationships freedom friendship gardens gratitude growth guts happiness healing home homecoming hope injuries inner peace Joy kindness life life lessons Love memories mothers pain paradise peace poems rape recovery rest sadness safety sanity self awareness self confidence self help survival survivor therapy treasure violence walking

SUSAN IS HERE! NEVER FEAR!!!

seems like an eternity ago, when my hair was long, and I still felt pretty. This is before all the accidents, surgeries and injuries and before Mom died.

…there is no “wait until” time to be beautiful…

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addiction angels babies bible bipolar disorder bravery broken heart brothers change child abuse children compassion coping courage Dad daughters death depression disciple making Embarrassment emotions Equality exhaustion faith family family relationships Fathers fear Forgiveness freedom friendship gratitude grief growth guilt guts happiness hate healing help home homecoming hope inhumane injustice insanity Joy judicial system kindness life life lessons loneliness loss Love memories metamorphosis mothers murder pain paradise peace pollution prayers preaching predjudice PTSD recovery regret repent responsibility sadness safety sanity self help Shame shot at sinner sobriety sorrow survival therapy treasure violence walking war witness worry

Who Do I Think I Am?

Pink Dusk©STMartin

I do silly things sometimes. Fairly often, in reality. Most of the time they are thoughtless mistakes, quickly forgotten by all who have been effected by them. There was a time, in the past life I lived, the one I talk so much about on this site, that I did intentionally bad things. Things that […]

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addiction aging parents alzheimer's angels animals apostles beaten Beauty bible bipolar disorder Birds bravery broken heart brothers caregivers caregiving change child abuse chronic pain compassion coping courage Dad daughters death dementia depression domestic violence earth emotions enduring Equality eternal life Eternal life in paradise exhaustion faith family Fathers fear Forgiveness freedom friendship funeral parlor God's love gratitude grief growth guts happiness hate healing help home homecoming hope inhumane injuries injustice inner peace insanity Jehovah's promises Jesus Christ Joy judicial system jungle kindness life life lessons loneliness loss Love memories mental illness mothers murder nature neighbors pain paradise peace poems pollution prayers preaching predjudice PTSD ransom sacrifice of Jesus Christ recovery regret repent repentance responsibility rest sacrifice sadness safety sanity Scriptures self awareness self help sexual assault shot at sinner sobriety soil soldiers sorrow stabbed suicide survival survivor The last Supper The Memorial therapy treasure Vietnam War violence war wild witness worry

THE PAIN of it ALL

What do I say to a black mother whose son was murdered at the hands, or knee, of a white man? .   I saw George dying, in front of all the world, murdered. Every fiber of my being cried out for action to save him, knock that cop off of him, hurt those who were […]

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bipolar disorder bravery broken heart chronic pain codependency courage Dad daughters depression faith family family relationships Fathers fear Forgiveness God's love gratitude grief guts happiness hate healing home hope injustice insanity insomnia life life lessons loneliness loss Love memories mental illness metamorphosis pain poems poet poetry prayers predjudice PTSD pulmonary embolism rape recovery regret repent sacrifice sadness sanity sexual abuse sinner sleep sobriety soldiers sorrow stabbed suicide survival survivor therapy violence war wild witness worry Writing

I Will Tell the Truth Now

I will make a huge effort to tell the truth. I always fluff things up, until I am not even sure what my truth is. My Dad was a SUPER Exaggerator , and an Embellisher of the highest order, and I hung on his every word. I could see others staring up at him, eyes […]

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abortion accidents addiction beaten bible bipolar disorder bppv bravery broken heart child abuse chronic pain clean clean and sober codependency compassion coping courage daughters death depression disciple making domestic violence emotions enduring exhaustion faith family relationships Forgiveness freedom gratitude grief guts happiness hate healing help home injuries injustice insanity Joy life life lessons loneliness loss Love memories mental illness pain prayers preaching predjudice PTSD ransom sacrifice of Jesus Christ rape recovery regret repent sacrifice sadness safety sanity self confidence self help sexual abuse sexual assault shot at sinner sobriety sorrow stabbed suicide survival survivor therapy violence witness worry Writing

Sexual Assault Awareness Month

Baby me in my favorite coat

What this means to me : I hope that it means that some where, in this great big world, a child won’t be violated tonight…because someone talked to a parent, a trusted adult, a mental health professional, a trusted member of law enforcement, a dear friend, and told them what had happened. And that the […]

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accidents animals beaten bible bipolar disorder bppv bravery change chronic pain clean and sober codependent compassion coping courage Dad death dementia depression domestic violence emotions enduring exhaustion fear fretting gardening gratitude grief growth guts happiness healing help home hope injuries injustice inner peace insanity insomnia Joy kindness life life lessons loneliness loss Love love. Jehovah God mental illness napping pain paradise prayers PTSD recovery responsibility rest safety sanity self awareness sexual assault sobriety sorrow stabbed survival survivor

VERTIGO, INSOMNIA and PAIN (oh, my!)

Cant wake up. I feel like I am sick inside, hot and cold, sticky and uncomfortable one minute , all dry and freezing the next. I feel like I’m going thru withdrawals, and twitchy, jerky-but from what?!? I feel that it is the Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo that I have endured since a series of […]

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beaten bipolar disorder bravery broken heart child abuse chronic pain clean and sober codependency codependent coping courage Dad daughters depression domestic violence emotions enduring exhaustion family relationships Fathers fear Forgiveness grief growth guts hate healing help hope injuries injustice insanity kindness life life lessons loneliness loss Love memories mental illness pain peace prayers pregnancy ransom sacrifice of Jesus Christ rape recovery repent sacrifice sadness safety sanity self awareness self confidence self help sexual abuse sexual assault sinner sobriety sorrow stabbed suicide survival survivor therapy violence witness worry

Re-Abused, Re-Raped, Re-Traumatized

I did something today that has me all twisted up inside like it just happened…And I thought I was SO far Over It, So Healed, So Strong, So SMART. All the years and years and years of therapy, and here I am again. Bruised, tattered, and lying on the cold floor of a dark green tent, somewhere […]

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art artist bipolar disorder bravery broken heart change child abuse children chronic pain clean and sober codependency codependent compassion coping courage death depression domestic violence emotions exhaustion fear Forgiveness freedom God's love God's Word gratitude grief growth guts happiness hate healing hope injuries injustice inner peace insanity insomnia Jehovah God Jesus Christ Joy kindness life life lessons loneliness loss Love memories mental illness metamorphosis pain paintings paradise peace PTSD rape recovery regret repentance responsibility sacrifice sadness safety sanity self awareness self confidence self help sexual abuse sexual assault shot at sinner sleep sobriety sorrow stabbed suicide survival survivor therapy Uncategorized wild worry

Many Days Since

moody

I am here again, on lock down of my own making. Wanting the isolation while longing for company. I feel unsure, unsteady, and oh, so tired. The dialogue inside my head has slowed, and the gist of it is dire, down and miserable. I hate myself like this, and that adds to my misery because […]