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accidents addiction alzheimer's angels apostles art art show artist babies beaten Beauty bible bipolar disorder bppv bravery broken heart cancer caregiving change child abuse chronic pain clean and sober codependency colo/rectal cancer compassion coping courage Dad daughters death dementia depression emotions enduring eternal life everlasting life exhaustion faith family Fathers fear Forgiveness freedom gardening God's love God's Word gratitude grief growth guilt guts happiness hate healing help hitchhiking home homecoming hope inhumane injuries injustice inner peace insanity insomnia Jehovah God Joy judicial system jungle kindness life life lessons loneliness loss Love love. Jehovah God memories mental illness metamorphosis milkweed murder napping nature pain paintings paradise peace pets poems poet poetry pollution prayers preaching predjudice PTSD ransom sacrifice of Jesus Christ rape recovery regret repent repentance responsibility rest sacrifice sadness safety Sailfish Point sanity Scriptures self awareness self confidence self help sexual abuse sexual assault Shame sinner sleep smoking sobriety soldiers sorrow stabbed suicide survival survivor The last Supper The Memorial therapy treasure Uncategorized Vietnam War violence war wild animals witness Writing

The SLOG of Joy

Grumble. Growl. Grunt. .   Swear. Sweat. Stomp. . Punch. Pound. Pant. .  Breathe. Binge. Boss. .  Shout. Scream, Smear. .  Fall in a heap, exhausted. Then get up, clean up, and do it all over again. .  There is joy in this. This “living” we do. No matter how sweaty, or dirty, or ugly, this […]

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SUSAN IS HERE! NEVER FEAR!!!

…there is no “wait until” time to be beautiful…

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abortion addiction alzheimer's angels animals apostles art artist babies beaten Beauty bible bipolar disorder bppv bravery broken heart cancer caregivers cares child abuse children chronic pain clean and sober codependency compassion coping courage Dad daughters death depression domestic violence earth emotions enduring eternal life everlasting life exhaustion faith family Fathers fear Forgiveness freedom gardens God's love God's Word gratitude grief growth guilt happiness healing help home homecoming hope injuries injustice inner peace insanity insomnia Jehovah God Jehovah's promises Jesus Christ Joy life life lessons loneliness loss Love memories mental illness mothers murder nature pain paradise peace poems prayers preaching predjudice PTSD pulmonary embolism ransom sacrifice of Jesus Christ rape recovery repentance responsibility sacrifice sadness sanity Scriptures self help sexual abuse sexual assault Shame shot at sinner sobriety sorrow stabbed suicide survival survivor The last Supper therapy treasure violence war wild witness Writing

Secrets…Many Secrets

     Should we tell our secrets? Burden our loved one’s with them? Jeopardize our relationships with society, our peers? Risk our reputations? .     Many people choose not to. Instead they carry that burning bucket of nastiness hidden away deep inside. Letting it rot away all their prospects for joy, searing their potential away […]

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addiction angels babies bible bipolar disorder bravery broken heart brothers change child abuse children compassion coping courage Dad daughters death depression disciple making Embarrassment emotions Equality exhaustion faith family family relationships Fathers fear Forgiveness freedom friendship gratitude grief growth guilt guts happiness hate healing help home homecoming hope inhumane injustice insanity Joy judicial system kindness life life lessons loneliness loss Love memories metamorphosis mothers murder pain paradise peace pollution prayers preaching predjudice PTSD recovery regret repent responsibility sadness safety sanity self help Shame shot at sinner sobriety sorrow survival therapy treasure violence walking war witness worry

Who Do I Think I Am?

I do silly things sometimes. Fairly often, in reality. Most of the time they are thoughtless mistakes, quickly forgotten by all who have been effected by them. There was a time, in the past life I lived, the one I talk so much about on this site, that I did intentionally bad things. Things that […]

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addiction aging parents alzheimer's angels animals apostles beaten Beauty bible bipolar disorder Birds bravery broken heart brothers caregivers caregiving change child abuse chronic pain compassion coping courage Dad daughters death dementia depression domestic violence earth emotions enduring Equality eternal life Eternal life in paradise exhaustion faith family Fathers fear Forgiveness freedom friendship funeral parlor God's love gratitude grief growth guts happiness hate healing help home homecoming hope inhumane injuries injustice inner peace insanity Jehovah's promises Jesus Christ Joy judicial system jungle kindness life life lessons loneliness loss Love memories mental illness mothers murder nature neighbors pain paradise peace poems pollution prayers preaching predjudice PTSD ransom sacrifice of Jesus Christ recovery regret repent repentance responsibility rest sacrifice sadness safety sanity Scriptures self awareness self help sexual assault shot at sinner sobriety soil soldiers sorrow stabbed suicide survival survivor The last Supper The Memorial therapy treasure Vietnam War violence war wild witness worry

THE PAIN of it ALL

What do I say to a black mother whose son was murdered at the hands, or knee, of a white man? .   I saw George dying, in front of all the world, murdered. Every fiber of my being cried out for action to save him, knock that cop off of him, hurt those who were […]

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animals art artist Beauty bible bipolar disorder bravery butterflies caregivers caregiving change chronic pain clean clean and sober compassion coping courage Dad daughters death disciples earth eternal life Eternal life in paradise faith family relationships Forgiveness freedom friendship gardens God's love gratitude growth happiness healing home homecoming hope inner peace Jehovah God Joy kindness life life lessons Love memories mothers nature paradise peace poems prayers preaching ransom sacrifice of Jesus Christ recovery repentance sacrifice safety sanity soil therapy treasure trees walking witness Writing

A Little Better/Thanks to Friends

I must not complain. I MUST NOT COMPLAIN. I MUST NOT COMPLAIN! I MUST NOT COMPLAIN!!!!! I hope I am getting better about that. When so many have, and are, suffering SO MUCH. I shudder to think how it must sound to people who had to say their last goodbye via cell phone. My own […]

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apostles art Beauty bible Birds bravery broken heart butterflies caregiving chronic pain codependency compassion coping courage Dad daughters disciples dogs earth emotions enduring Eternal life in paradise everlasting life faith family family relationships fear Forgiveness freedom friendship gardening gardens God's love God's Word gratitude growth happiness healing help home hope inner peace Jehovah's promises Jesus Christ Joy kindness life life lessons loneliness Love memories metamorphosis Monarch butterflies mothers nature neighbors pain paradise peace pets prayers puppies ransom sacrifice of Jesus Christ recovery repentance responsibility rest sacrifice safety sanity self awareness self confidence self help shih-tzus survival survivor The last Supper The Memorial therapy treasure worry

We Are Going To Make It

Is anyone out there as old as I am? I grew up to the Mary Tyler Moore show, on every week as I recall. When I was 10 or so, she was beautiful to me, not just as a pretty woman (which she was and is, if she is still alive, is she?…)but as a […]

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bipolar disorder bravery broken heart chronic pain codependency courage Dad daughters depression faith family family relationships Fathers fear Forgiveness God's love gratitude grief guts happiness hate healing home hope injustice insanity insomnia life life lessons loneliness loss Love memories mental illness metamorphosis pain poems poet poetry prayers predjudice PTSD pulmonary embolism rape recovery regret repent sacrifice sadness sanity sexual abuse sinner sleep sobriety soldiers sorrow stabbed suicide survival survivor therapy violence war wild witness worry Writing

I Will Tell the Truth Now

I will make a huge effort to tell the truth. I always fluff things up, until I am not even sure what my truth is. My Dad was a SUPER Exaggerator , and an Embellisher of the highest order, and I hung on his every word. I could see others staring up at him, eyes […]

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accidents animals beaten bible bipolar disorder bppv bravery change chronic pain clean and sober codependent compassion coping courage Dad death dementia depression domestic violence emotions enduring exhaustion fear fretting gardening gratitude grief growth guts happiness healing help home hope injuries injustice inner peace insanity insomnia Joy kindness life life lessons loneliness loss Love love. Jehovah God mental illness napping pain paradise prayers PTSD recovery responsibility rest safety sanity self awareness sexual assault sobriety sorrow stabbed survival survivor

VERTIGO, INSOMNIA and PAIN (oh, my!)

Cant wake up. I feel like I am sick inside, hot and cold, sticky and uncomfortable one minute , all dry and freezing the next. I feel like I’m going thru withdrawals, and twitchy, jerky-but from what?!? I feel that it is the Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo that I have endured since a series of […]

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beaten bipolar disorder bravery broken heart child abuse chronic pain clean and sober codependency codependent coping courage Dad daughters depression domestic violence emotions enduring exhaustion family relationships Fathers fear Forgiveness grief growth guts hate healing help hope injuries injustice insanity kindness life life lessons loneliness loss Love memories mental illness pain peace prayers pregnancy ransom sacrifice of Jesus Christ rape recovery repent sacrifice sadness safety sanity self awareness self confidence self help sexual abuse sexual assault sinner sobriety sorrow stabbed suicide survival survivor therapy violence witness worry

Re-Abused, Re-Raped, Re-Traumatized

I did something today that has me all twisted up inside like it just happened…And I thought I was SO far Over It, So Healed, So Strong, So SMART. All the years and years and years of therapy, and here I am again. Bruised, tattered, and lying on the cold floor of a dark green tent, somewhere […]