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aging parents alzheimer's angels Beauty bipolar disorder cancer caregivers chronic pain colo/rectal cancer compassion coping death dementia depression emotions enduring Fathers fear Forgiveness God's love guilt happiness healing home life lessons

What Do You Think

I think it is a challenge to live a solitary life. I don’t dislike it, but I reminisce  too much about sad events. It’s like my past has tentacles that slither out of the photo albums, out of the closets, out of the desks and cabinets to wrap themselves, insinuate themselves into my present. I […]

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accidents addiction alzheimer's angels apostles art art show artist babies beaten Beauty bible bipolar disorder bppv bravery broken heart cancer caregiving change child abuse chronic pain clean and sober codependency colo/rectal cancer compassion coping courage Dad daughters death dementia depression emotions enduring eternal life everlasting life exhaustion faith family Fathers fear Forgiveness freedom gardening God's love God's Word gratitude grief growth guilt guts happiness hate healing help hitchhiking home homecoming hope inhumane injuries injustice inner peace insanity insomnia Jehovah God Joy judicial system jungle kindness life life lessons loneliness loss Love love. Jehovah God memories mental illness metamorphosis milkweed murder napping nature pain paintings paradise peace pets poems poet poetry pollution prayers preaching predjudice PTSD ransom sacrifice of Jesus Christ rape recovery regret repent repentance responsibility rest sacrifice sadness safety Sailfish Point sanity Scriptures self awareness self confidence self help sexual abuse sexual assault Shame sinner sleep smoking sobriety soldiers sorrow stabbed suicide survival survivor The last Supper The Memorial therapy treasure Uncategorized Vietnam War violence war wild animals witness Writing

The SLOG of Joy

Grumble. Growl. Grunt. .   Swear. Sweat. Stomp. . Punch. Pound. Pant. .  Breathe. Binge. Boss. .  Shout. Scream, Smear. .  Fall in a heap, exhausted. Then get up, clean up, and do it all over again. .  There is joy in this. This “living” we do. No matter how sweaty, or dirty, or ugly, this […]

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abortion addiction alzheimer's angels animals apostles art artist babies beaten Beauty bible bipolar disorder bppv bravery broken heart cancer caregivers cares child abuse children chronic pain clean and sober codependency compassion coping courage Dad daughters death depression domestic violence earth emotions enduring eternal life everlasting life exhaustion faith family Fathers fear Forgiveness freedom gardens God's love God's Word gratitude grief growth guilt happiness healing help home homecoming hope injuries injustice inner peace insanity insomnia Jehovah God Jehovah's promises Jesus Christ Joy life life lessons loneliness loss Love memories mental illness mothers murder nature pain paradise peace poems prayers preaching predjudice PTSD pulmonary embolism ransom sacrifice of Jesus Christ rape recovery repentance responsibility sacrifice sadness sanity Scriptures self help sexual abuse sexual assault Shame shot at sinner sobriety sorrow stabbed suicide survival survivor The last Supper therapy treasure violence war wild witness Writing

Secrets…Many Secrets

     Should we tell our secrets? Burden our loved one’s with them? Jeopardize our relationships with society, our peers? Risk our reputations? .     Many people choose not to. Instead they carry that burning bucket of nastiness hidden away deep inside. Letting it rot away all their prospects for joy, searing their potential away […]

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addiction aging parents alzheimer's angels animals apostles beaten Beauty bible bipolar disorder Birds bravery broken heart brothers caregivers caregiving change child abuse chronic pain compassion coping courage Dad daughters death dementia depression domestic violence earth emotions enduring Equality eternal life Eternal life in paradise exhaustion faith family Fathers fear Forgiveness freedom friendship funeral parlor God's love gratitude grief growth guts happiness hate healing help home homecoming hope inhumane injuries injustice inner peace insanity Jehovah's promises Jesus Christ Joy judicial system jungle kindness life life lessons loneliness loss Love memories mental illness mothers murder nature neighbors pain paradise peace poems pollution prayers preaching predjudice PTSD ransom sacrifice of Jesus Christ recovery regret repent repentance responsibility rest sacrifice sadness safety sanity Scriptures self awareness self help sexual assault shot at sinner sobriety soil soldiers sorrow stabbed suicide survival survivor The last Supper The Memorial therapy treasure Vietnam War violence war wild witness worry

THE PAIN of it ALL

What do I say to a black mother whose son was murdered at the hands, or knee, of a white man? .   I saw George dying, in front of all the world, murdered. Every fiber of my being cried out for action to save him, knock that cop off of him, hurt those who were […]

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aging parents alzheimer's Beauty bible bipolar disorder bravery broken heart cancer caregivers caregiving change children chronic pain clean clean and sober codependency compassion coping courage Dad daughters death dementia depression emotions Eternal life in paradise everlasting life exhaustion faith family family relationships Fathers fear Forgiveness freedom friendship God's love God's Word gratitude grief growth happiness healing help home hope inner peace insomnia Jehovah God Jesus Christ Joy kindness life life lessons loneliness loss Love memories mental illness mothers pain paradise peace prayers preaching ransom sacrifice of Jesus Christ recovery repentance rest sacrifice sadness sinner sleep sorrow survivor The last Supper The Memorial treasure witness

Trying to Grieve

Whew, this is a toughie. Daddy died March 7,2016, and I know how you all have followed our journey. He was such an amazing man, and a great father(despite minor glitches, like most dads). But for me, he was my world in these last years. The reason I got up in the morning, the reason […]

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addiction aging parents alzheimer's Beauty bible broken heart caregivers children chronic pain compassion coping courage Dad daughters death life lessons

Grief and Bipolar Disorder

Let me start this blog off by saying that I am not a health care professional, nor am I licensed in any form of mental health capacity. All I am is a person in pain, having lost a dear loved one, and who also happens to suffer from Bipolar Disorder. So, in a sense, that […]

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aging parents alzheimer's Beauty bible bipolar disorder bravery broken heart cancer children chronic pain codependency colo/rectal cancer compassion coping courage Dad daughters death dementia depression emotions enduring eternal life exhaustion family Fathers Forgiveness freedom friendship God's love gratitude grief growth happiness healing injustice inner peace life life lessons loss Love memories mental illness mothers pain peace prayers recovery regret repent responsibility rest sacrifice sadness safety sanity sleep sorrow survivor

Loving Too Much?

I have been my Dad’s Primary Caregiver for over six years now, and I was Mom’s before that as she battled and succumbed to colo/rectal cancer. It has been a long road, hard yes, but also full of love and tender moments that I treasure. Dad has been relatively pain free all his life, always […]

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aging parents alzheimer's life lessons

Where Am I?

The life is Busy, life of a caregiver. It revolves around his existence, the ebb and flow of his life force. He gets out of bed later each day, goes to bed earlier, communicates less, gazes dimly ahead more often. He wants to eat less, if ever. Sleep overcomes him in an instant, no matter […]

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Brainstorming

I am feeling a bit more positive than I was in this morning’s post, Dad got up for a while around 2pm, I laid on the couch dozing on and off, keeping my eyes and ears on alert. He fell on Wednesday, big gash on his head, poor Pops. It happened while his caregiver was […]

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aging parents alzheimer's angels bipolar disorder caregivers change codependency compassion coping Dad daughters death depression emotions fretting God's love gratitude happiness hope Joy lonliness Love peace pets rest worry

We Are Home…Aren’t We?

He sleeps hours on end while I fret. He sits up in a recliner while I cook and fret. He gets up to pee, yep, I fret. He fights me over using his walker, my fretting heart pounds, fretting hands shake. He is sad that he scared me, I feel guilty for that-and that makes […]