The dream was so frustrating. I had gone to find my ex-husband in South Carolina,and meet his wife, but there was no one home. The door was open, the dog was barking, so I let the dog out and went inside. (This is the husband that abused me for 7 years…)

The house looked like the people had just left. I thought maybe his new wife was in the house or on the property, so I kind of wandered from room to room. Floated around, I guess you would say, looking at toothbrushes, and empty plates on the counter. An empty living room… It was so deeply disturbing-I have tears in my eyes now.

I went back outside and looked into a van parked in the yard. I knew it was theirs, it looked just like the old one we had purchased when we were married. But empty, no one, everything lonely and abandoned.

When I woke up this morning at 5, I was filled with a crushing sense of loss, of grief, of aloneness.

I sat at the kitchen table and sobbed.

Then , somehow, I said a fervent prayer, and got a cup of coffee.

I am losing everyone, and I will be alone. That is what the dream meant.


Author: ST Martin

I am an Artist, Poet and Author. A Survivor of Violent Sexual Abuse and Rape, I have lived thru Severe Domestic Violence, Twenty Three years of Addiction and Alcoholism, Family Dysfunction, Chronic Pain, Dependence on Opioids, and 2 Venomous Snake Bites...I have Been Stabbed, Shot at, Tied to a Tree and Choked Unconscious. A Quarter Horse Rolled on Me, as did a Lawn Tractor. I also Wrecked a Harley into a Tree! I also have PTSD and Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder, and spent my 18th birthday in a Locked Psychiatric Ward. I am so much more than this: I feel like a tiny seed that sprouted in a desert, and now has grown into a Passion Vine. My Art is my Voice, Screaming, Crying, Praying, Loving, Laughing, Healing- all in Riotous Color...

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