Keeps Rolling On…

Dad’s disease is now at the moderate to severe stage, he saw his new neurologist today. I did not have much trouble getting him to go, which was really nice. I just hate it when we argue and when he doesn’t like me. It is hard enough having to be on him all the time to do things, because I know how much I used to hate being “mothered” when I was ill. But his Alzheimer’s requires that I assist him. If I do not prepar the food and put it in front of him, he will not eat. Alzheimer’s brains just gradually shut down all bodily functions, and Dad’s brain does not tell him to eat anymore.

When a person dies of Alzheimer’s disease, it is because their brain quits sending their body signals to breath, or signals for their organs to function properly. Eventually he will not recognize me, or be able to speak or feed himself. He will become incontinent, and he will lose control of his bladder and bowels. He already zones out now, to the degree that I’m not sure if he’s awake even with his eyes open. It is such a tragic and demoralizing disease, for me to see such a brilliant mind just shutting down before my eyes.

Daddy’s disappearance. It made me sad to see him fail his little test today at the doctor’s office. He got a 12 out of 30, and a 21 is moderate alzheimer’s. So there it is in Black and white with a neurologist’s seal on it. I am losing him, by drips and drabs. The Doctor actually believed Dad when he said he was friends with Fred Astaire and had danced professionally with him. I had to clarify matters on the side, and Doc felt silly. After all, it is his job to recognize cognitive impairments. But he said that is not a sign of dementia, to embellish like that. I forget what he called it, not embellishing, but something else.

Ok, I’m toast. So tired that I am hallucinating, talking to people who arent here! I better go see that same Doctor tomorrow!!

Author: ST Martin

I am an Artist, Poet and Author. A Survivor of Violent Sexual Abuse and Rape, I have lived thru Severe Domestic Violence, Twenty Three years of Addiction and Alcoholism, Family Dysfunction, Chronic Pain, Dependence on Opioids, and 2 Venomous Snake Bites...I have Been Stabbed, Shot at, Tied to a Tree and Choked Unconscious. A Quarter Horse Rolled on Me, as did a Lawn Tractor. I also Wrecked a Harley into a Tree! I also have PTSD and Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder, and spent my 18th birthday in a Locked Psychiatric Ward. I am so much more than this: I feel like a tiny seed that sprouted in a desert, and now has grown into a Passion Vine. My Art is my Voice, Screaming, Crying, Praying, Loving, Laughing, Healing- all in Riotous Color...

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