Who Will I Be Now?

The recovery is a week in now, the pain at a level I can see my way through. All seems to have been quite successful,and there is a day in my future when my focus won’t be on my health. What joy! What, joy?
Who will I be, when I don’t have illness to hide behind? I have become the person no one wants to talk to, because all I talk about is my own problems. I wept bitterly when I realized this today. More self pity. More ‘self’. I had been wondering why a certain friend had been distant lately at a time when I need her most, and she finally let it slip last night. I am too self absorbed.
It seems like she could have let me wallow a little longer!
(maybe she is a better friend than I thought…)

Author: ST Martin

I am an Artist, Poet and Author. A Survivor of Violent Sexual Abuse and Rape, I have lived thru Severe Domestic Violence, Twenty Three years of Addiction and Alcoholism, Family Dysfunction, Chronic Pain, Dependence on Opioids, and 2 Venomous Snake Bites...I have Been Stabbed, Shot at, Tied to a Tree and Choked Unconscious. A Quarter Horse Rolled on Me, as did a Lawn Tractor. I also Wrecked a Harley into a Tree! I also have PTSD and Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder, and spent my 18th birthday in a Locked Psychiatric Ward. I am so much more than this: I feel like a tiny seed that sprouted in a desert, and now has grown into a Passion Vine. My Art is my Voice, Screaming, Crying, Praying, Loving, Laughing, Healing- all in Riotous Color...

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