I am really tired tonight, but I doubt that sleep will come. it rarely does when I am manic. And right now, I am. Very. I have been up since early this morning, my day spent in a whirlwind of caring for everything and everyone but myself. I feel like I am doing the things I want to do, I feel better if every surface around me is clean, neat, sparkling. I feel good if my hands, face, teeth are clean… sparkling. Tonight it was the dogs, even though my back was screaming, I felt good… they are now clean, sparkling.
I am in blazing needles of agony at this moment, my bones cry out to be stretched out- but I want my new blog to be just right, pretty, well written…sparkling.
I have made the comment before- to myself mostly- everyone else brushes it off as a joke- that it is EXHAUSTING to be me. I suppose they haven’t experienced being Bipolar. I love my mania, then I have myself. I try so hard to keep the crash at bay, wishing my frenzy would really work this time… maybe if I just run fast enough, the depression won’t catch me.
But it always does… maybe not today?
I will try to lie down now, some poison medicine to make me rest…I know I must take it, so my muscles can heal, but my mind fights at the very vessel that carries it around! Oh my…